We got our certificate in the mail yesterday, and despite my fantasizing about the ideal Rogue Elopement, we’re stoked. It’s all legal! Now I can drive recklessly and take up chain smoking since I’m on his fantastic health insurance plan. Isn’t that the point of the piece of paper?
Anyways, I confess, I don’t know what to write about here anymore. My journey to married-dom is over. I’m not launching into having a baby Any.Time.Soon. And Meg, over at A Practical Wedding, has all bases covered for newlyweds with her Reclaiming Wife series. In fact, her post today on Etsy sums up newly wed life from every angle.
My experience with newlywed life so far: It rocks. We returned from the honeymoon and I felt refreshed, energized, and like I had all the time in the world! Not planning a wedding anymore is glorious, don’t let anyone tell you different (see, Meg is so much nicer than I am too – she’ll pat you on the head and validate your feelings of post-wedding emptiness. I’m more likely to slap you upside the head and say “get a hobby”).
But my newlywed state really hit home yesterday when I sat down with my oldest friend, who is in the middle of making the biggest mistake of his life.
Here’s his story – he’s had a number of dumb relationships with girls who were not right for him. He’s had a number of unrequited crushes on girls who were not right for him. Four years ago, he met an amazing girl – she’s sweet, smart, supportive of him to a fault, and is head over heels in love with him. She’s cute too. They’ve been living together for 2-3 years of their 4 year relationship, but when he decided to go to grad school on the opposite coast a few months ago, he told her she wasn’t coming with.
I learned this three weeks before my wedding, and it was all I could do not to sit him down for a friend-to-friend talk along the lines of “What are you thinking?!” That conversation had to wait until after my honeymoon – had to wait until yesterday.
Long story short, He’s Not That Into Her. Which is information she could have used, oh, three years ago. Nice of him to slip into the comfort of a convenient relationship. But, while I’m sorely disappointed in my friend – it hurts when someone you love behaves in an un-lovely way – I am so grateful for my husband. I am so grateful for the fact that when we saw each other we appreciated the excellent qualities we observed.
We appreciate each other.
Fuck feeling in love. I mean, really, basing a marriage on feelings is a direct route to failure, because feelings come and go. I love my husband, but there are minutes in the day when I see he hasn’t refilled the ice cube tray (YET AGAIN) that I’m not feeling that lovey emotion. But what we have is a deep, constant, appreciation of each other’s character, personality, intelligence, wit, integrity, sense of humor, generosity – and yes, dare I say it: fashion sense.
If my friend had that perspective, he’d know enough to marry that girl, because she has it all. And thank God my husband and I found each other, because finding that one person who appreciates you is the best feeling in the world.