I have no close friends.
I mean this in a purely geographical sense, but still. Rogue Husband and I might as well live on the moon for the amount of visitors we get. We don’t live on the moon – we just live on the other side of Downtown LA, past miles of constant bumper to bumper traffic, from our nearest friends. For some reason, now that we’re married and had our fantastic wedding that brought all of the people we love together (seriously, the turnout was amazing, and having everyone in the same room for once is one of the best experiences of my life), our isolation down here in the “OC” is really starting to bug me.
Across from our second story balcony, another couple has put white and pink roses in pots and decorated with nice new deck furniture. I’ve seen them a handful of times watering and dead-heading those roses (taking the time to dead-head is always a promising sign), and they’re around our age. I’m fighting the impulse to leave a note on their door asking them to come over for drinks some evening. Getting to know your neighbors is a high risk endeavor – they might be really irritating and then you’ll never be rid of them. Best case scenario, they turn out to be fun, and then you’re on the hook to water their plants every time they leave town. With nothing more to go on than conscientious container gardening, it’s a daunting prospect.
It’s just hard to connect with people down here. And I’m an extrovert. I try. But so far one of two things happens – we’re rejected by couples we like for no apparent reason (we wear deodorant and serve great wine, what more do you want?!), or, we hit it off with someone who, within months, moves to San Francisco.
I’d really like to open up a conversation here about how to make friends with couples. It’s a topic I want to explore in depth, because after college – and especially if you don’t work with other young people (or any people in my case), meeting new friends seems nigh impossible. And then, if you do meet someone, there’s a high rejection rate. Maybe it’s because I use words like “nigh”?
Seriously, you start looking at yourself and your mate like “What is WRONG with us?!” “Do we drink too much?” “Are we those people who are really irritating and don’t know it?” “Do we come off as ostentatious/snarky/superior/smart-assed/dumb-assed/under-educated/over-educated/judgemental…”
Because it’s almost easier to try and find something to fix about yourself than to think that maybe it’s the other people who have something wrong with them. The one gives you hope because you have some control over your own behavior and habits. The other just means you’re making dinner for two. Again.
You don’t have much to lose if you compliment your neighbor’s roses, introduce yourself, and invite them over for drinks some weekend. Your Dad would be gone for 10 min. and return with some new neighbor every time. I was always dumbfounded how he did it. You’re in more of a student’s area vs. couples area also. As you pointed out proximity is really important. Our best friends happened to live 2 doors down in a condo. Houses typically have young families.
Dude, at least you have each other. I moved away from LA once and it was terrible. After undergrad its just really hard to make a good connection with people, unless they are friends of friends. ..even then. I don’t know why..it seems like everyone has their cliques and no time for new ones.
Not looking forward to moving yet again. I really believe I’ll never meet the type of people I did at UCLA (both rogues included) ever again. I’ve been spoiled.
Yeah, we’re a rarified breed. Though I firmly believe that if I moved to San Francisco, I’d have the best social life ever. Although, if we actually did move to be with friends, the friends would probably find reason to move somewhere else. Like desert nomads, we’d be forced to follow the herd’s migratory patterns or – I dunno – stick it out and grow vegetables. I got lost in that metaphor.
meetup.com shows 2400+ groups within 25 miles of your zip code. One is meetup.com/ocwine. Also there is socalwinegroup.com. I suspect you can find several food / wine groups there, and then after attending some events will likely meet people that you can then do things outside of the group events.
John and I feel the same way. We can’t tell you how glad we are that both of you are coming over for dinner. It’s a lonely life for the self-employed and overly busy.
I did the meetup.com thing when I was single, and I loved it. I met some great people thru the volunteering groups, specifically. It IS super hard to meet new couples – for us, it’s hard to meet couples that are childless. Every time we invite our couple friends over for dinner, they decline – babysitters are expensive. So, I feel ya, Rogue Bride.
I also think this is a very LA problem. I have a dear friend who lives in Venice, and I haven’t seen her in a year. Traffic is just so awful, no one leaves their neighborhood unless they are forced to.
Renee, that’s the other factor. Even our childless friends are talking about having children imminently. I am in noooo rush. Although my lesbian friends (also, in San Francisco area) aren’t planning on children, so maybe we just need to work the same-sex couple angle. Even if same sex couples do want kids, adoption takes a terribly long time these days, so we’d get a few good years out of them. I’m turning into a horrible person.
“CHRIST, yes,” were my exact words when I read the first two sentences. But at least we’re obviously not the only lonely young couple in the world, as proven by the comments section.
Thanks Lena, and I do mean it – when I come up to SF next, we’re going out for drinks. You can meet all my other awesome San Francisco friends, lol.