I have no close friends.
I mean this in a purely geographical sense, but still. Rogue Husband and I might as well live on the moon for the amount of visitors we get. We don’t live on the moon – we just live on the other side of Downtown LA, past miles of constant bumper to bumper traffic, from our nearest friends. For some reason, now that we’re married and had our fantastic wedding that brought all of the people we love together (seriously, the turnout was amazing, and having everyone in the same room for once is one of the best experiences of my life), our isolation down here in the “OC” is really starting to bug me.
Across from our second story balcony, another couple has put white and pink roses in pots and decorated with nice new deck furniture. I’ve seen them a handful of times watering and dead-heading those roses (taking the time to dead-head is always a promising sign), and they’re around our age. I’m fighting the impulse to leave a note on their door asking them to come over for drinks some evening. Getting to know your neighbors is a high risk endeavor – they might be really irritating and then you’ll never be rid of them. Best case scenario, they turn out to be fun, and then you’re on the hook to water their plants every time they leave town. With nothing more to go on than conscientious container gardening, it’s a daunting prospect.
It’s just hard to connect with people down here. And I’m an extrovert. I try. But so far one of two things happens – we’re rejected by couples we like for no apparent reason (we wear deodorant and serve great wine, what more do you want?!), or, we hit it off with someone who, within months, moves to San Francisco.
I’d really like to open up a conversation here about how to make friends with couples. It’s a topic I want to explore in depth, because after college – and especially if you don’t work with other young people (or any people in my case), meeting new friends seems nigh impossible. And then, if you do meet someone, there’s a high rejection rate. Maybe it’s because I use words like “nigh”?
Seriously, you start looking at yourself and your mate like “What is WRONG with us?!” “Do we drink too much?” “Are we those people who are really irritating and don’t know it?” “Do we come off as ostentatious/snarky/superior/smart-assed/dumb-assed/under-educated/over-educated/judgemental…”
Because it’s almost easier to try and find something to fix about yourself than to think that maybe it’s the other people who have something wrong with them. The one gives you hope because you have some control over your own behavior and habits. The other just means you’re making dinner for two. Again.